I’m a bartender, & I secretly hate when people order anything other than a shot.

  • By: Julianne Elise Beffa

This story has been submitted by a LOOP reader…

Let me get something straight: I bartend, I smile, I make your overpriced Instagram cocktails look cute, but deep down? I hate it when people order anything other than a shot. Seriously. Hate it.

I’ve seen it all. The people who hover over the cocktail menu like it’s a thesis paper. “Hmm… I want something light, but bitter, but sweet, but not too sweet, and can it match my outfit?” Listen, sweetheart, this isn’t a runway, it’s a bar. I didn’t spend three years perfecting my pour so I could cater to your lavender foam aesthetic. Shots? Shots don’t ask questions. Shots don’t judge. Shots get straight to the point.

There’s an art to a shot, and only a true drinker understands it. You order a shot, you know what you want, and you take it like an adult. Boom. Done. No TikTok angles. No Instagram lighting. No pretending it’s a wellness elixir because it has a sprig of mint. Just you, the alcohol, and the tiny glass that’s about to make your night infinitely more fun.

Meanwhile, cocktail people… don’t even get me started. They sit there, scrolling their phones while I’m busy measuring, shaking, stirring, layering like a mixology robot. And then they sigh when it’s “not exactly right.” Oh, I’m sorry your artisanal gin fizz doesn’t taste exactly like your Pinterest board. Maybe next time order a shot and see how life actually feels.

There’s something about a shot that’s intimate, chaotic, electric. Two strangers knock back tequila together, and suddenly they’re bonded for life, or at least until the Uber drops them home. Nobody takes a craft cocktail and finds their soulmate mid-sip. Shots make memories. Shots make stories. Shots make you do things you’ll either regret or brag about for years. And that, my friends, is the kind of magic I live for behind this bar.

There’s something about a shot that’s intimate, chaotic, electric.

Honestly, I have fantasies about a shot-only world. Bars with walls of liquor and no menus, just endless rows of pure, unpretentious alcohol. No muddled fruit. No ice cubes pretending to be elegant. No half-hour Instagram setups. Just pour it, slam it, live it. I’d be in heaven, sliding shots across the bar with the speed of light, watching people’s faces light up with every reckless sip.

 

And the best part? When someone orders a shot on a crowded Friday night, it’s like a secret handshake. I feel seen. I feel validated. And I get to watch them become the life of the party in 3…2…1. Meanwhile, the craft cocktail crowd is still debating whether their lavender foam matches their outfit. Bless their hearts.

 

I can’t say this out loud. I can’t go around telling people that their artisanal, Instagram-ready cocktail is literally draining my soul. But every time someone says, “I’ll take a whiskey shot,” I silently cheer. Finally. Someone who understands. Someone who speaks my language. Someone who knows the real way to experience a night out.

 

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Let me break it down: shots are democracy in a glass. Shots are confidence, speed, chaos, and joy- all in one tiny cylinder of potential regret. Shots don’t care about your aesthetic. Shots don’t need a garnish. Shots don’t ask for your opinion on bitters versus vermouth. Shots just…are. And they’re perfect.

Shots are democracy in a glass.

So yes, I’ll keep smiling while I stir your overpriced cocktail, nodding like I care about the foam art on your drink. But in my head? I’m counting down the moments until a real drinker saunters up and says, “I’ll take a shot of tequila.” And when they do, my soul breathes. My night comes alive. And for a few glorious minutes, the world makes sense again.

Because cocktails are cute. Shots are life.

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