Dating in LA: First Dates Over Coffee vs. Cocktails
- By: Ani Gutierrez
In a city that runs on caffeine by day and cocktails by night, dating in LA has taught me one thing: For a first date, choose the martini over the macchiato.
There’s a particular kind of anxious excitement that hits when you agree to a first date in LA. It’s not just the immediate thought of what am I going to wear? (though, of course, I think of that too), it’s also where are we going? In this city, the difference between “let’s grab a coffee” and “let’s get drinks” isn’t just the logistics. It sets the intention and energy, and basically lays the groundwork for the whole relationship before it even begins.
I’ve done both and let me tell you, coffee and cocktails make for two very different first-date experiences.
The Coffee Date: Cute, Casual, Wholesome
When someone suggests a coffee date, my guard instantly drops a little. It feels like the safest date option. It’s during the daytime, public, and easy to exit if the connection just isn’t there. It’s probably the most low-pressure way to meet someone you matched with on Hinge, Bumble, or wherever your thumb was swiping at 2 a.m.
The good:
Coffee dates are refreshingly wholesome in an era where “Netflix and chill” somehow became an acceptable first “date.” I’ll show up in a cute daytime outfit: Casual jeans, a nice top, light makeup, and maybe a little gloss. It’s very “see me as I am,” and because nobody’s hiding behind dim lighting and a mojito, you actually talk. Although prompted by caffeine and not the typical liquid courage you need for first-date jitters, coffee dates can allow for real conversations that you’ll actually remember because you’re not tipsy.
The bad:
Although coming across as genuine, a coffee date can sometimes feel a little too casual, almost like you’re meeting up with a colleague to circle back on that work project. There’s a risk the vibe dies as soon as the lattes are finished. Unless the chemistry is undeniable and you decide to take a stroll through the neighborhood, or browse some boutique on the corner, the whole thing can wrap up in 45 minutes flat. It’s wholesome and safe, but ultimately forgettable.
The Cocktail Date: Tasteful, Intimate, and Unpredictable
Now let’s talk cocktails. This is where LA knows how to shine. Rooftops with skyline views, moody speakeasies, or velvet booths with the candle light flickering just right. Cocktail dates are where things start to feel more electric and intimate (or is that just the tequila talking?) The loud music and chatter in the air grants the excuse to lean close in conversation, already breaking that awkward “we just met” boundary, and setting the stage for what you’ll be surprised to find out could turn into a closely-acquainted night.
There’s slightly more pressure on this type of date. You dress up and actually put in some effort. Heels instead of sneakers, a dress instead of jeans, and lipstick instead of lip balm. Sure, you may feel like you’re playing a part for a first-date that might not even be worth it (I know I have), but that’s also the fun part: Getting all dolled up to flirt with a martini in hand, over a view of breathtaking city lights.
The magic of cocktail dates is also in its unpredictability. A margarita (or three) can turn a polite “so what do you do?” into a full-blown, in-depth conversation about a passion you only talk about when the liquid courage hits. Drinks also lower your guard just enough that you might skip the whole “wait three dates before kissing” rule, and end up in a steamy makeout sesh in the parking garage. Sometimes it’s thrilling, sometimes it’s a little dangerous. Sometimes it’s exactly what the f-boys are hoping for when they keep buying you shots, so proceed with caution.
Here’s the thing, though: Cocktail dates are fun, especially in LA. Although they’re a bit performative from time-to-time (the bar matters, the lighting matters, the way he orders his Old Fashioned matters), in a city obsessed with aesthetics, isn’t that half the appeal anyway? You’re not just dating each other, you’re dating the scene.
Photo: @perchlosangeles
So…Coffee or Cocktails?
Here’s what I’ve come to realize: If you want wholesome, quick, and safe then coffee is your friend. If you want entertaining, bold, and possibly a little reckless, then go for the cocktails. Coffee dates are for clarity, and cocktail dates are for chemistry.
As much as I love a lavender latte, I’ll typically lean towards cocktails for a first date. There’s just something about the ritual of getting all glammed-up, walking into a dimly lit bar with a handsome stranger, and wondering how the night will unfold. Coffee may give you that calm conversation, but cocktails give you the story. At the end of the day, aren’t we all just looking for a first-date story worth telling?
